I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
