Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
