remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
