In America we eat man semen.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
