I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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