we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
