no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
