I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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