My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
