This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
where am i from again
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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