I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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