Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
