It's like a parade of train wrecks.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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