so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
