Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
