i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
whose parrot is this?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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