i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
