you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
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