I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
