Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
