I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
