dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
