:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
