If that was your dad, he is hot
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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