wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We are all done wearing pants today
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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