this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Be still, my beating vagina.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
