This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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