Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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