cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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