??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
