she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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