she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
