I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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