i jhust puked up my retainher.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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