i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
