Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
