i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
