Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My ass is underappreciated
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
