i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
