i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The struggles of a small town man whore
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
