So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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