i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
