Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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