Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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