you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
