If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
