If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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