I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
