someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
