you would pick up someone in the library
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
