my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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