She's JV to your varsity
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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