that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
