He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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