my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
