New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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