It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
